SYMPTOMS
by Gordon A Browell
WHEN people go to see a doctor one may be forgiven for assuming that they are seeking a cure for whatever they think they have. Although this can be important, it is not necessarily their prime reason for a consultation.
Experienced doctors know that their patients' top priority is to know the name of the affliction. Treatment cannot be expected to work unless the name of the malady is known.
Imagine asking an Executive Chef what he is making and have him recite to you at great length the recipe when "Lebanese Lardy" would have been sufficient.
So it is with doctors.
While a chef deals with ingredients, doctors know all about symptoms. Tell your doctor all the symptoms that you think you have and, in a flash, he will know exactly what it is by name. It's at this point that the analogy between chefs and doctors fails because the doctor may decide to tell you a little white lie. If, for instance, he knows that you have the BUBONIC PLAGUE, he also knows the stress of you knowing will only add other symptoms to those you already have and put you in another catagory. So, what does he do?
He starts by saying it is only a mild strain of something like MANLEY MANGE and adds for good measure that there is a lot of it about just now. Be cautious. If he uses buzz-words such as TRAUMA or SYNDROME, you can be pretty sure that he has no idea what you've got!
The only way out of such an ambiguous situation is to buy or borrow a Medical Encyclopaedia. You will immediately realise how hard it is to be a doctor. I have such a book and I started at ABORTUS FEVER. To my astonishment I found that I had it. It said for me to shoot my horse, but not having a horse, I kicked the cat.
Then came ACNE. Yes! By glooy! I hadn't realised that blackheads were a symptoms too. I'd got that. Slowly I worked my way through ACROMEGALY, ACTINOMYCOSIS and ACUTE CHOREA (St Vitus Dance). Would you believe I recognised all the symptoms of them all. No wonder I've been feeling a little bit off lately.
At the moment I have reached the Rs; RHEUMATICS, RICKETS and RINGWORM all showed positive. I have them all in varying degrees. In fact the only complaint I don't have, so far, is HOUSEMAID'S KNEE. I could seek a second opinion on that if only I could trust my doctor.
. SYMPTOMS
. by Gordon A Browell
. AKA: my Dad..
